(the following is from a dialogue between myself and another individual regarding this article – Why Naked Pictures Aren’t Harmless – Despite the title of the article, the author doesn’t succeed in arguing this point, beyond the obvious reasons they harmful if they were done without consent and if the individual is underage, and mentions anything about it in only 1 small paragraph)
My original post, partially edited, went as follows:
Only one paragraph in this entire article addressed the title of the article but, in my opinion, didn’t succeed in arguing why.
Everything involving rape is appalling, especially the “blame the victim” sentiment and “rape culture.” But as the numbers indicate, particularly on college campuses, most dudes aren’t going to do that, even if they hear the message.
I do have a question though – what are hetero/bi etc. males allowed to be attracted to physically in a female without being viewed as objectifying, creepy, inappropriate etc?
Earlier this year I was at work and a lady walked in who, from my personal visual perception, was strikingly beautiful. So I told her this. I had no intention there; humans appreciate beauty and may even comment on it in numerous non-human forms. Her response to me was “thank you, I was having a terrible day, that helped.” That was it, haven’t seen this person since.
So I posted it on FB with just some commentary about how saying something so benign could be beneficial and suggested to all my male friends – overwhelming majority of whom are feminists – to just do it. With kindness and sincerity. If you have some other intent in mind, where the word is more about manipulation, don’t do it. Shortly after I posted it, I started getting ridiculed by other females I knew, suggesting I was “creepy” and laying in to me with questions about MY motives and also this odd one – When you see an ugly girl do you tell her she’s ugly? (yes I was asked that)
I was like “fu*k mang!! What is the correct way to approach this? Did I do something wrong? I really don’t want to make enemies with my Houston area feminists”
I’m a “sex-positive” type, so I don’t think the author or anyone could succeed in making the argument that’s part of the article title, that naked pictures are harmful. It all depends on the context they are used, but in general, no, they aren’t harmful, provided the individual in the picture consented and they are of mature and legal age.
But seriously, what are males allowed to say or comment on, perhaps with their friends too (we do that, so do girls; the intimate touch of another human, unless you lack a nervous system only feels good) but not be viewed as mentioned?
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TO WHICH AN INDIVIDUAL REPLIED AND ASKED:
Why “comment” at all? What is the urgency in that? Do you feel a similar urgency towards people of your own sex?
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Enabling me to elaborate and ask thusly:
I don’t think it of necessity and I don’t quite understand the urgency(?) part. Have you ever used a phrase that starts with “(Oh) that looks…” in your entire life? When shopping for clothes, because I’m pretty sure you don’t walk around naked, do you consider their appearance?
If yes on any of these things, why is it okay to recognize and comment on something aesthetically pleasing in a non-human form, but not okay with the human?
Your question is basically asking me why I chose that comment first since those of us without aphasia do not walk around silently, nodding to one another as means of communication. And I want to know why I’m not allowed to. Is it only reserved for the intention of getting into a relationship? When in the relationship are you allowed to comment on your partners appearance since to do so at first brings about a concerning, stereotypical skeptical inquiry of the person?
Also, your last question assumed I am heterosexual. Which you assumed from my original post. This is not accurate, nor inaccurate. It’s irrelevant. But to answer, yes, I have. I announced this to the world (available online) on my twitter page no less, just remembered as I was answering, lucky you :). (can be viewed here – https://twitter.com/Spuriosity… And his celebrity status is irrelevant, he’s still a stranger, a human I have never met and I felt the “need” to comment, and that’s partially the issue, right? The intentions of strangers, who commit a sizeable portion of aggressive non-consensual sexual acts, saying such things? Because unless I come at you first with aggression, some kind of conversation will precede it. And friends, long-term friends don’t generally do that. And there must be countless long-term relationships existing today that began this way.
There are things I find beautiful in women and men and I will comment on them IF they are so flawlessly beautiful, IN MY EYES, that they must be regarded. And I am being quite honest with that tweet and that girl this year, these are the only two times I can ever recall doing that without any motive and in public because I was just simply overwhelmed with the experience.
Obviously, since I have fully functioning vision, I have found all my past relationships attractive in many ways, and at least one began with a compliment. That’s why I used the word “striking” in my OP. It meets the definition about being of the “flawless” variety, in MY personal, subjective of things.
(Reminder re: the original article – the issue revolves around really only women, since nearly all “rapes” and/or non-consensual sexual aggression acts are done by men toward them.)
Physical attractiveness is important to people when they desire relationships, though it sometimes isn’t verbalized to others. What kind of weird ass mutually consenting relationship exists where neither partner EVER comments in some way on the partners appearance as a form of compliment? Furthermore, unless that person has reached a new level insanity, I’m pretty certain no one concludes in their mind, “That girl is pretty, I’d like to talk with her and maybe pursue a relationship, I shall begin by raping her!” That logic would only be applicable to something like a “one-night stand” but not any lengthy interaction, where every intimate act between the 2 is ALWAYS consensual. And by relationship I mean the consenting, non-dowry, non-planned variety, where both people entered into it mutually.
Likewise, I haven’t met a single person in my entire life who said, “yeah, I love him/her, they’re really unattractive and ugly.” And ended it right there, no “but…” I am 35, been asking the question, “hey, tell me about your girlfriend” of my own evolving friends and random people for several years now and nope, not a single one says, “yeah man, he/she’s ugly” … “But people date ugly people all the time …. ever walk down the street with friends and say ‘how did that guy/girl get that girl/guy? That’s what that is.” Yeah, ugly to everyone else maybe, beautiful to their partner; that term is very relative but a non-issue. We aren’t so much concerned with whether or not a person finds another person visually pleasing, because non-consensual sexual aggression acts can occur with or without it.
Therefore, I’m going to make an assumption myself in that I believe your questions also implies a concern for motive. Not silencing me altogether from being able to say it. But then this brings up some important questions – how do we come to arrive in relationships of the intimate variety? Do we approach each other, face down, speak like this for a few weeks then finally say, “now that I’ve gotten to know ya, let’s take a look at ya”? BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY ARE ANY AND ALL COMMENTS FROM A STRANGER TO ANOTHER STRANGER ABOUT HIS/HER APPEARANCE A PRELUDE TO AN AGGRESSIVE OR NON-CONSENSUAL ACT? And why is verbalizing what you are thinking, that someone/thing is beautiful any more harmful than thinking it? Unless I’ve been in a relationship with you for some period there’d be no questioning my motive and little concern regarding my comments about your appearance.
So there is no answer to that, it cannot be answered. It would be the ability to know something was going to happen before it happens and unless avoid interacting with humanity entirely you will most likely be complimented in some physical way at some point in your life.
I do, however, totally understand the motive issue. Trust me, I get it. That’s why I am ASKING, what am I allowed to say, when IS it okay to say it? Or am I simply not allowed, for example, to say to someone they have “pretty hair,” which I admittedly have done and as I was walking out of place, or any compliment whatsoever unless it is to something non-human? Or am I to say not a word regarding appearance to a female/male lest I have the intention of getting into a relationship with them? And then at what point in the relationship is it okay? IS any of this realistic? Outside a forcible rape from a stranger with whom no conversation at all happened, just sheer aggression, everything revolves around motive/intent, and I don’t really know what to tell you there. You can treat everyone as a suspect who gives you a compliment but you can’t silence the right of people to compliment altogether.
(CC to reddit as well, which represents my very first foray into the realm of reddit – HERE)
discursivedesign 
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